So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
