I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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