Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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