after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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