Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
