oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
