you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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