Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
