You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
