I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
