I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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