He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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