I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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