my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
