Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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