wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need moral support for this bender
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
