woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
