Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
