Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
