Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
