Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize