I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
