just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
