Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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