Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
honey bunches of taint.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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