forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
