I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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