We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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