he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
