At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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