I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize