No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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