and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
