id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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