I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
