Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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