I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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