It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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