It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
