I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
