who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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