i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
