A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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