Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
