His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
