I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
operation have a gay friend backfired
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I stole a fireplace last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
