erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im holly from the hills drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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