Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
