I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
