Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
