I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
