if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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