ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
