So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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