my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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