i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
