I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
