Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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