I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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