you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
