I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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