It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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