he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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