Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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