bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
