oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I will be naked everywhere
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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