NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
