I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize