Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
