I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i would punch a child for taco bell
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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