i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
