And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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