I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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