you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
