I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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