Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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