Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
