last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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