mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
True strength comes from lack of pants
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
