i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
