Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
