I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
